I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
