I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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