I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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