I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
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