I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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