i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
