after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
