my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
