don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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