Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
