new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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