Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
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I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize