the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
