I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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