3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
