that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
