i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
