shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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