did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
