soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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