I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
