So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
