I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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