I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
