have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i will never coherently bang her
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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