I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
