is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
