remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
