Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
