Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I wish you could order shots online.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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