Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
