found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
