i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
