Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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