im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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