Got a toothbrush?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
