It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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