A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
