i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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