Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
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