Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
