mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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