Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
