maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
