Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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