i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
