yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
