i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
