It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Fuck appropriateness.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
