turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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