I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
