smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize