I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
