I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
is wine microwaveable?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
