A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
