he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
