I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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