I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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