Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
