I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
