So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
