She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
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You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
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I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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