Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize