Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
