her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
