At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
