she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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