I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
