I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
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