There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
