Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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