What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
