Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I supernannyed him into submission
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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