I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Randomize
