My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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