This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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