I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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